If at first you don’t succeed …

Falling down can hurt, but getting back up is the only way to redeem yourself. That was the takeaway from last week’s “Stanford, I Screwed Up” event, an annual celebration of failure and resilience. At the evening gathering on April 5, in front of a packed crowd at CoHo, six students bravely took the stage to open up about big mistakes, painful regrets and intense feelings of inadequacy, and how the experiences helped them move forward.

Failure can be difficult to cope with because expectations are so high at Stanford, said student speakers at a recent event celebrating failure and resistance, but it’s OK because you can always try again. (Image credit: Alex Proimo)

At Stanford, failure can be particularly difficult to cope with because expectations are so high and students are so accustomed to succeeding. But failing is OK, the student speakers said, because you can try again.

Amit Pasupathy, ’19, was among the students who told their stories. He recounted the insecurity he felt after enrolling in CS103 – Mathematical Foundations of Computing – fall quarter of his sophomore year. He said he went into the course with great confidence, but came out of the lectures and office hours feeling much less optimistic.

“I’m feeling so insecure because A, everyone around me seems to know what they’re doing. B, everyone is so good at what they’re doing. C, I don’t know what to ask the TA. And D, I’m a hundred percent sure that no one else feels the same way,” he said.

Things got worse. The first midterm arrived and he scored 45, while the median grade for the class was 92. The same results followed the second exam. “And that’s when it finally hit me,” Amit said. “I understand nothing. Absolutely nothing!”

“Stanford, I screwed up! But I’m back on my feet and ready to try again.”

—Amit Pasupathy, ’19

Amit decided to devote his full attention to CS103. He studied so much he would forget to eat and developed a short temper. Amit – a generally gregarious guy – turned into a recluse, and his friends worried about him. By the end of the quarter, he’d had enough.

“I came out of the final exam feeling so defeated. I just felt like laughing and crying simultaneously because I did so poorly in this course,” he recalled.

That night, Amit went back to his dorm where he found a jar containing 103 tiny notes, written by his friends, describing all the things they loved about him. One note read, “You’re so dedicated to being there for others and to understanding how you can be of service.” Another note read, “You make people feel comfortable and valued when they’re around you.” The boost of confidence helped him find perspective and he realized he’d been filling an inner void by obsessing over his academic performance.

Amit ultimately received a D in the class, but didn’t give up. More than a year later – and a little bit wiser – Amit said he is re-enrolled in CS103 this quarter. “Stanford, I screwed up! But I’m back on my feet and ready to try again,” he said to roaring applause.

The event was sponsored by the Resilience Project, a campus organization formed in 2011 to normalize failure and help students realize that setbacks are part of a rigorous education. Adina Glickman, the project’s founder, says it also shows students that they’re not alone.

“Since so many students look around and see ‘effortless perfection,’ the Resilience Project puts it right out there that college is incredibly hard work. There is no perfection. There is often failure,” Glickman said.

“I think that students feel that through the Resilience Project, Stanford is endorsing the idea that flaws are normal. That kind of humility makes all the things that aren’t flawed that much more compelling and rich,” she said.

To see videos of past “Stanford, I Screwed Up” events, visit the Student Learning Connection website.