Text of Commencement address by John McEnroe

The following is the prepared text of the address by John McEnroe for delivery at the Stanford Commencement ceremony on June 18, 2023.

Thanks, MTL, for that nice introduction. And thank you to the Senior Class Presidents for inviting me to speak – you’re all officially badasses in my book. And most of all, to Stanford’s CLASS OF 2023 – congratulations! You did it! You’re officially overachievers.

It’s an absolute honor to be here, especially given that it’s Father’s Day. I never got to walk in cap and gown. So technically, this is my graduation too. I know that my father, if he were alive, would be one of the proudest people in the stadium. I can’t imagine a better Father’s Day gift than watching your kid graduate from this incredible school. To all you dads and moms out there who sacrificed so your child could attend Stanford, well done! To those parents who had to put just one kid through college, consider yourself lucky. I’m the father of six college graduates. You can appreciate my pain.

The McEnroe family has a long history with this fine institution. I attended for one year. My two younger brothers graduated from here. We bleed Cardinal red through and through.

But I do have a bone to pick with Stanford. In March, I get the invite to be your commencement speaker. While I’m busy figuring out my flights to San Jose, my youngest daughter tells me she was REJECTED by Stanford Law School! She says, “Dad, you’re not going to do that speech, are you? They rejected me, they rejected my cousin – your nephew – and every other person you’ve ever written a recommendation letter for – Dad, YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!” Clearly, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Just when I was about to boycott, I found out I would be the first professional athlete EVER to speak at a Stanford Commencement. And I thought this IS a big deal. Not just for me, but for the school and for sports. Some phenomenal athletes have graced this institution. Here’s a fun fact: Stanford has won more NCAA team championships than any other school. So it’s about damn time they invited the Bad Boy of Tennis to this stage.

Oh, and don’t worry – my daughter got into NYU. She gets to live in the greatest city in the world, instead of slumming it here in Palo Alto.

The funny thing is I almost never came to Stanford. The summer before my freshman year my life completely changed. I was in the semi-finals of Wimbledon. That was unheard of at the time. Everyone was telling me to turn pro – and not to bother with college. But I felt like I wasn’t mature enough. Not ready. I wanted the college experience and to just be a kid for one more year. Plus, I wanted to be a part of a team. That’s one of the reasons I love playing doubles. By the way, my kids absolutely cringe every time I make tennis analogies, but fair warning, you’re going to hear a lot of them in this speech. It could be worse; you could be listening to some lame politician telling you how great they are.

Back to the analogies: For most of your life as a tennis player, you’re out there alone. For better or worse, it’s just you. And that can be terrifying. So when you get those opportunities to be a part of something bigger than yourself, take them. Trust me. Succeeding as a team can be as fun as doing it alone.

At Stanford, I was lucky enough to do both. I won the singles title and was part of the 1978 NCAA championship team under the leadership of the legendary coach Dick Gould, who is here with us today. That man won 17 NCAA team titles. The respect of your peers is the ultimate achievement. And Dick has it. He gave me great advice, but none of it was about tennis. When someone is at the top of their game, it’s best to stay out of their way. That’s one of the gifts of a great coach.

I thought I’d be a hotshot when I arrived at Stanford. I thought that all the girls would love me, and all the guys would want to be me. But as it turned out, no one gave a shit. Everyone was busy trying to change the world in their own way. They were off building computers in garages and developing tech that would later transform every aspect of our lives. I was just a tennis player. But the atmosphere here made me hungrier for success.

I was humbled a lot in my first quarter. My academic advisor had the bright idea that I take advanced calculus, economics, astronomy, and a ridiculously tough English course. I spent all my time studying and wasn’t having nearly enough fun. But I loved living at Rinconada, hanging out at Stern, and spent a lot of my time at the DU house, where I took part in certain activities that would “open my mind” a lot more than my classes. I met some guys who advised me to take easy courses so I wouldn’t stress out so much. Thank you, Kenny Margerum and the rest of the 1978 football team! I took courses like Parapsychology and Psychic Phenomena. The high point of that class was how our professor showed us how you could bend a spoon with your mind. And I believed it!

On this campus, I began to step outside myself and see that there was life beyond tennis and academics. Later on, passions like art and music enriched my life in ways I never imagined. Know this: Absolutely AMAZING things are going to happen to you that you can’t possibly fathom right now – because just like I was at your age, you’re probably hyperfocused on your career. If someone told me all those years ago when I was leaving Stanford that I would one day get guitar lessons from the late great Eddie Van Halen or that most of you would know me NOT from tennis, but from a sitcom about an Indian American girl on Netflix, I would have said, “You’re crazy and what’s Netflix?” By the way, the final season of Never Have I Ever came out last week – if you’re bored by my speech, you can start streaming it on your phone.

Everyone wants a great career, but don’t miss your life on the way to work. Work/life balance may seem impossible, but it’s worth pursuing. It took me a long time to learn that lesson.

Like many of you enterprising go-getters, I, too, am a perfectionist. It’s not all our fault. Growing up, almost everything I did just didn’t quite seem to be enough. I was 12 years old when I first felt undue pressure from my Dad, regarding my potential future with tennis. I finally asked my parents, “What would make you happy?” My father said, “A college scholarship and playing for your country.” I told him, “Well, Dad, I’m 12. Could you back off for a few years?” In that moment, I learned no matter who it is, you have to be able to stand up for yourself. Whether it’s your father or your boss, be your own best advocate.

[Looking up to heaven] Hey, Dad, have I made it yet? What’s that?

[McEnroe cups his ear] He just told me he liked Steve Jobs’ speech better.

In sports, you often hear the phrase, “Winning is everything.” But in reality, it’s not. The questions you have to answer are: “Am I getting better as a person?” And, “Is what I’m doing bringing me and the ones around me happiness?” The answers will tell you whether or not you’re REALLY winning.

After you succeed at something, you expect the skies to open and happiness to rain down on you. But that rarely happens. The truth is victory can be isolating. A lot of it comes down to how you handle pressure.

A week or so ago, I was in Paris covering the French Open watching two guys trying to make sports history. There was Carlos Alcaraz, a kid younger than most of you, ranked number one in the world, on the verge of taking over the tennis world when he completely froze. He cramped up physically and mentally. The pressure became too much. I thought this could be life-altering for him – he’s got to figure out a way to conquer pressure. And I think he will. And I would know. I’ve been there. Guess what? In your own life, you’re all going to be there too.

And as the high achievers that you are, the worst pressure is the kind you feel internally. Many questions will keep you up at night: “Am I good enough?” “Am I where I should be?” “I went to Stanford, why did I not make partner yet?” Well, maybe you should’ve gone to NYU.

My dear friend the great Billie Jean King will tell you, “Pressure is a privilege.” The first time I heard that I thought she was nuts. Pressure is not a privilege, it’s awful. But upon further reflection, I realized she has a point. We’re lucky to experience pressure at the highest levels. Don’t forget a lot of people would KILL to be in your seats right now.

To get here, you had to handle serious pressure. You are the generation that had your college experience interrupted by a COVID lockdown. The disappointment, the isolation, stress, and alienation – must have been devastating. As students, you pivoted to virtual options, maybe you took a gap year, found other ways to connect with your peers and your teachers – but the point is, you kept MOVING FORWARD – coming out a little stronger on the other side. I imagine quarantine forced your brilliant minds to do some pretty deep thinking, and this experience will probably inspire and shape your generation in ways we haven’t yet realized. There will be innovations, treatments, cures, knowledge, and relationships that will evolve from this experience. Suffice it to say, you adapted to hard times, and you are here NOW – as graduates. And that’s big. Don’t forget the lesson here: Life doesn’t always go as planned. And sometimes you need to pivot. And the path you end up on can be better than anything you ever imagined.

If you know anything about my tennis career, you probably know that I didn’t exactly handle pressure in the way people expect. Google “John McEnroe Meltdown” and you will see many YouTube clips of me smashing rackets and shouting choice words at umpires. I’m not proud of it. OK, I’m a little proud of it. What can I say, it kind of worked: The press ate it up, and still to this day, random people come up to me on the street and ask me to yell at them. But I wasn’t intentionally trying to be a jerk. I was competing at the highest levels, and I was releasing pressure the only way I knew how. Like a valve releasing steam. But there’s a better way. Trust me.

For the longest time, I was not very empathetic to others and that probably was my biggest flaw. I was wired to win and never let up, not even for a second. It felt like I couldn’t enjoy the moment, and worse yet, I was often insensitive to the people around me. I had that edge about me. Again, not a great way to live.

But I was lucky that new doors opened in my life, which allowed me to find happiness in unexpected ways. I got really into art, made some incredible friendships, built a family, and met the love of my life, my beautiful wife, Patty. If I allowed myself to be defined by tennis, I wouldn’t be half as interesting. I probably wouldn’t be here right now. And I would likely be very unhappy. You are the sum of your WHOLE life, not your professional accomplishments. So start enjoying your life now. Don’t wait till your career takes off.

As a society, in large part because of your generation, we have come to understand and respect the importance of mental health. It needs to be nurtured in the way we take care of every other aspect of our body. In my lifetime, I’ve seen about 37 therapists. And not all of them were court appointed. Let’s just say I had a few issues to work out. I’m not alone. Across politics, sports, and entertainment, public figures have been more open about the benefits of therapy, stepping away and taking a break. I think that’s healthy and important. I’ve benefited from it. Good mental health is connected to physical activity: Move a muscle, change a thought.

For all the positive steps we’ve seen in caring for our mental health, we’re also seeing the flipside where people are attempting to eliminate stress or pain altogether. Which is impossible. It’s the “everyone gets a trophy” kind of mentality. It’s ridiculous and, honestly, a little dangerous. Not everyone is meant to be good at everything. And it’s very important for people who are high-flying mental giants, like all of you, to realize taking risks, failing, and learning from your failures is essential to your development. And sometimes a loss is the best thing that can happen to you.

In 1980, Björn Borg and I played in what is considered one of the greatest Wimbledon finals of all time. After three hours and 53 minutes of some seriously intense tennis, I lost in five sets. Of course, I wanted to win. I gave it everything I had – but I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

The truth is most people don’t remember who won that match. And don’t care. I once had the privilege of meeting the great Nelson Mandela. He told me he listened to that match on a tiny radio from his prison cell on Robben Island. And that the whole prison hung on every point of that match. That we gave Mandela a brief respite from the excruciating hell of 27 years of political imprisonment meant more to me than any award I’ve ever won. The lesson here is you don’t have to win to be part of something that is truly magical.

A few years after that Wimbledon final, Björn quit tennis at age 26. It was devastating to me and the rest of the sport. In the mid-80s, if you were in my path, I would destroy you. Top of my game. But I wasn’t truly happy. Why? Because being the best in the world wasn’t as good as playing with someone who pushed you to greatness. Which is why I BEGGED my biggest rival to come back to the sport.

At the time he said to me, “If you’re not #1, it doesn’t matter if you’re #2 or #100.” Even though I understood where he was coming from, I disagreed with him then and still do. Number 2 is pretty damn good. Sometimes, you have to appreciate where you’re at in life. If your mentality is “If it’s not success, then it’s failure,” your life will be really, really hard. Success gives us another chance to keep plugging away at what we love to do. That’s all it really is.

For a while, I feared I might be the guy who peaked in life at age 26 or 27. When you look at the last few years of my tennis career or my failed talk show, or the end of my first marriage, or all the various projects that came and went – I stayed in it. And kept trying new things, opening new doors. I learned not to be disillusioned by failure, not to be burdened by perfection and not to be intimidated by greatness.

My final tennis analogy is this: When a ball is coming at you, you have a split second to decide how to return it. You have a handful of options and make the best decision in the moment. Sometimes you win the point and sometimes it’s an endless rally that you lose. But you take your best shot and keep finding the courage to step on the court.

Graduates, this is the time to take your shots. Your life will go by fast. Give it your all. Stand up for yourself. Stay curious. Be a good citizen of the world. Don’t get crushed under the weight of your expectations. Know that the real victory in life is the long game – measure your success by how much you evolve, not necessarily how much you win. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. And for chrissakes, have the balls to say what you feel.

There’s a quote emblazoned on a wall at Wimbledon, right before you enter center court. It’s from Kipling’s poem If—. It reads: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster / And treat those two impostors just the same.”

Kipling’s point is that one person’s victory is another one’s defeat. Win or lose, what matters is giving everything you’ve got. In a truly full life, you’ll be lucky to have your share of both victories and defeats. In either case, keep finding the courage within you to move forward!

Congratulations, Class of 2023! I wish you the greatest life imaginable.

Thank you!