THE LELAND STANFORD JUNIOR UNIVERSITY MARCHING BAND isn’t generally known for encouraging good behavior among fellow students. The renowned scatter band is generally better known for its irreverent humor, various clever hijinks and for being—how to put this?—a tad anti-authority.
But good advice about wearing bicycle helmets is exactly what the Band gave new students during its halftime show in this past weekend’s Homecoming football game against Arizona.
In a script called “Survival Guide,” the Band hilariously replicated the notorious Circle of Death, the dangerous intersection located near the clock tower. The on-field shenanigans featured Band members chaotically running in a giant circle, narrowly averting crashes.
Meanwhile, the announcer encouraged freshmen to, “Look to your right. Now look to your left. All of you will crash your bikes in the Circle of Death. Fifty students enter, four will not leave. Instead, they’ll crash into each other with one carrying a giant project that is now ruined. Survival tactic: Wear a helmet, and walk all large projects to your classroom.”
But then, the Band being the Band, the announcer reconsidered, “Come to think of it, don’t go to class.”
The Band also warned freshmen about GREEN LIBRARY, with the announcer explaining, “Your professors, and even your fellow students, will convince you that Green is an amazing library. You know what it really is? A confusing labyrinth that you will never find your way out of. Survival tactic: Use a buddy system. Use GPS. Use a system of mirrors that when aligned lights the way to the exit. Just don’t go inside without an exit strategy.”
On-field, the Band replicated a labyrinth, while the Jumbotron screen flashed some more good advice: “The librarians are not Minotaurs. Please do not try to defeat them.”